After I got that settled, I began the spiritual journey that I am still on today.
From that point on I decided to embrace my bisexuality, and now I am grateful that I have the capacity to love indiscriminately. Perhaps the church was wrong about other things too. I loved God, and yet I had homosexual attraction. Once I realized that the feelings weren’t going away, it hit me that what I had been taught my whole life was wrong. I was convinced that God hated me, and I confided in a few friends, telling them about my “problem.” One well-meaning but misguided friend showed me a website that claimed to help Christian teens overcome their homosexual attraction, but as much as I tried the feelings for women just wouldn’t go away. That when I realized that I’m bisexual, and I hated myself for it. For a time I was able to convince myself that I was merely admiring beauty, but once I hit eighteen that excuse didn’t work anymore. My whole life I had convinced myself that I was heterosexual, despite the way I was undeniably drawn to images of the female figure. This was the belief that homosexual attraction is a disgusting sin, and that people with homosexual attractions absolutely hate God and are going to Hell. It was something that I had been consistently taught in every single church I had attended, and so was firmly ingrained in my mind. I left the church at age seventeen, and determined to never allow myself to blindly follow what others say, but instead to question with impunity before I believed.ĭespite my reassurances to myself, there was still one belief that I hung on to even after leaving church. I heartily disagreed and caught a lot of hostility for it. A girl who wore pants was considered a whore, or at the very least “trying to usurp the man’s authority.” The idea of a man’s natural authority over women seemed to stem from their thought that women cannot be preachers, and so must be meek and submissive. Their view of the world was very narrow and closed minded. I was very active in this church, and even attended their school from eighth to tenth grade. The one that caused a major turning-point in how I viewed the world was the last one I ever attended-an Independent Fundamentalist Baptist church. I have attended Baptist churches my whole life. It is somewhat ironic that I am so unsure of what I believe in now, considering where I started out. However, I am far from finished, and still strive to move forward. It is a spiritual journey that I am on, and it took much to get to this point. I am Questioning because I believe that someday I will figure out who God is and what religion I ascribe to. Before I go any further, I would like to make clear that though I consider myself to be “Questioning,” I am not an agnostic. Instead, they would find the word “Questioning.” Furthermore, they would find that the four most influential people to me are a diverse bunch-Rosie the Riveter, Jesus, Ghandi, and Buddha. However, if someone were to look at my religious views, they wouldn’t find a particular religion. If I were to scroll through my friends right now, I would find several Christians of different denominations, a few atheists, and even a couple Wiccans. This page contains things like that person’s political views, favorite movies, and very importantly, their religious beliefs.
When I add a new person to my Facebook friends list, one of the first things I do is look at their information page.
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